Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Three signs that point to your Husband watching too much Reality TV

I feel so bad for my poor husband. He must be the best husband on earth to sit through all the sappy reality TV I watch. Now that all the sports we watch have concluded it has become even worse. After my ritual of cleaning house, we sat down to watch some TV before bed.

Sign #1: Your husband is genuinely upset that you erased the last episode of the bachelorette because he didn’t get to see the ending.

·         Now I know that my husband can live without watching The Bachelorette each week. But, once you have men all roped up in a love quadrilateral, it can be kind of addicting. Plus you have to admit, watching John get sent home was a little funny.

Sign #2: You husband compares you and your family/friends  to members of the Real Housewives

·         I don’t know how many times I have heard. “Man she pulled a Vicki!”

Sign #3: In order to convince you he is telling the truth he uses the phrase “Bible!”

·         No lie, last night my husband predicted the ending of Misadvised when a date turned horribly wrong when a guy took the girl to the strip club. When the guy told the girl he had a surprise, Matt knew it would be the strip club.

o   Of course I thought Matt had seen the episode and the prediction was a hoax. In order to proclaim his innocence Matt yells “Bible, I didn’t know!” I guess we are an unofficial member of the Kardashians. Yikes!

Lesson Learned! I will make sure that we fit in some manly shows throughout the week. Some shows Matt will absolutely refuse to watch, but others can be a little catchy. Either way, Matt makes such a sacrifice to become interested in the shows I like to watch, the least I can do is watch Pawn Stars every once in a while.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

No One is Off Limits

So before I start ripping into my new friends on my flag football team, I will start out on a lighter note. Yesterday while diving for a ball I found out that I am painfully allergic to grass. Immediately after rolling to get up, my whole back felt like it was on fire. So I viciously ran up to anyone close and started rubbing my entire back on them. I am sure they were thrilled with my sweaty back and arms rubbing all over them. Thankfully Matt wasn’t there to witness my promiscuity.  So now I will be wearing full body sweats to my next game.

So now onto the next, the results from back to back football games…. Basically it was horrendous. For those of you that know me well know that I absolutely hate to lose. What I hate worse than losing is losing badly. Let me just tell you I always keep score (ask my husband) and in these games it was completely pointless. I kept a good attitude and a smile on my face until I got into my secret lair (car) and immediately vented to my trusty side kick (husband). His response was “Well, football has a specific physicality that YOU are probably not used to. So you were probably falling ALL OVER the place.” Needless to say that comment set me off after a hard loss. But we made up after a Culvers Sundae and I have decided to give everyone including myself a second chance. So I will keep the tongue lashing to a minimum until next week, the no one is off limits. 

Oh yes, I have also been going back and forth on which of my teammates will find my blog and ban me from the team. Therefore, when things start to get really good or ugly, I will make up code names. Then I will be safe from exile. Anything thoughts?

Monday, June 4, 2012

I wear a Mouth Guard in Case There's a Fight

My husband advised me that I should “get a hobby.” I think that is boy code for I am sick of you. Either way I decided to load up my calendar with various clubs and activities that would fancy Matthew. One of which is my card club where we make homemade cards for all occasions, I am getting pretty good and I am thinking of making a side job out of it! If you need cards, invitations, or thank you notes hit me up. The other is my co-ed football team Beer, Sweat, & Regret. Obviously I was not responsible for the team name since I am not a drinker. 

Teams have the option of signing up a full team or signing up individually to hope by some miracle your team of misfits has some sort of talent. Mostly because I do not have 13 friends that live in Austin, and partially for better blog material, l I chose to sign up as an individual. For sanity, I asked my good friend Brittany Burton to join along in this adventure with me. Our team is full of random strangers that have absolutely no natural chemistry.

Let me introduce you to the main players I have met thus far:

Brandon: Brandon is a former Marine and therefore makes a natural captain/coach. Brandon is probably one of my favorite characters on the team. I am super competitive (that is the reason why Matt wouldn’t sign up with me. Rude! ) but Brandon has me beat by far! Prior to our first game today he sent out the official playbook, so on breaks I have been shamelessly studying the many routes planned for tonight.

Byron: Byron is a large, black man and rather quiet. But when he says something I cracks me up. You can tell he is there for a good time, and is just an all-around a good guy! When someone mentioned they went to church on Sunday, his response was “I went to Churches!” (As in churches chicken)  haha. We will be friends.

Chris: Chris has the most energy I have seen of any adult in all my life. He is always bouncing around and pulling faces and facing off with Brandon as to who is the better quarterback. Just so happens Chris slightly resembles Tom Brady, while Brandon slightly resembles Tim Tebow. I like Chris and think he is hilarious mostly because upon meeting him he says, “You don’t drink? Then what do you do?” (gives me no time to answer) “I heard you do what you would normally do, except just don’t drink!” (probably true) Then he continues, “That sounds miserable!”

Angela: Angela is the team mom, she keeps us all updated and on track. Not to mention she is super-fast and zigzags down the field, till she loses you! She is like a real life Katniss.

Lauren O: Lauren reminds me of one of the guys. She is always telling me what position to play and how she wants things done. I have a feeling we may be best of friends or we may clash once and a while. But I did already warn her I am bringing my mouth guard. Not for football purposes… but just in case I get into a fight.

So far those are all the characters along with Brittany and I. Tonight we have a double header against two of last year’s champions. Updates will follow. Just forewarning if we lose the next post might be explicit. Well as explicit as I can possibly be.