Tuesday, February 19, 2013

When I Get Nervous I Lie...

When most people get nervous they sweat, or turn red or fidget. I do all those things (except maybe turn red… I mean I am black obviously). But on top of that I have two more slightly unusual completely embarrassing habits. When I get nervous I lie and forget where I am going.

This weekend my best friend Chanelle came in town with her new boyfriend (Chris).  When meeting new people I am always socially awkward and give too much information about myself and make inappropriate comments. Knowing this, I get pretty nervous and attempt to make a good first impression.

Here are the things I probably shouldn’t have said when meeting someone for the first time:

     First year of marriage was glorious because Matt was half way across the country and my dishes were always clean and the bed always got made.(looking back I say that but at the time it was miserable)

  Comments about how Chanelle should hurry up and get to baby making.
  Opinion around the obvious fact that cooking skills are only needed for dating purposes. Once you’re married, what’s the point? They’re stuck anyway.

Blatant comments about how being from Provo, Utah (home of BYU) is weird, and sort of mysterious kind of like unicorns.Chris (Chanelle’s bf) is from Provo

Chanelle’s boyfriend (Chris) was describing his large extended family to which I may or may not have said. “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”Sometimes I think things and then realize, nope, that was actually vocalized

The most awkward thing I almost said this weekend was when Chanelle was describing how she got really sick with the flu, pneumonia, and bronchitis because of this really fancy word that basically means air pollution. Well I thought the word sounded like an STD, because it did. So I said, “Hmmm…. Sounds like a S..T..cough ..cough..cough, sounds bad!”  Who says those things? Me I guess.

Anyway, back to how I lie when I am nervous.
A couple of years ago I had an audition and they asked me my age to which I confidently responded 16. They looked at me again puzzled. Probably because I was in fact 20 and had no idea why I would have told them I was 16. Instead of letting it go, I blurted out… “I mean I am 20, I do this a lot. I always lie when I am nervous.” They thought it was funny/creepy that I forgot my age by 4 years and needless to say didn’t get a call back.

Chris will probably think I am the dumbest person on Earth. Although that may not be far from accurate given that I got lost nearly 3 times in the couple hours we spent together. It doesn’t help that I have to use navigation while walking around downtown Austin. The city I have spent my whole life in. What can I say; when I get nervous I forget where I am going.

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